Thursday, April 27, 2017

Red Sox Shellacking Some Guys From The Bronx!

April 27 NYY v. Boston!!! Live-Bloggage.

Sorry I'm late. So-Cal cable ne friendly pas to East-coast games. Had to punt with an app. But I'm here.

Top of the First recap:

The Yankees are the 2nd hardest team to strike out.

Guess who the Hardest is......

Sale on the Hill: 2 strikeouts and a pop fly.

Attention Yankee Fans: Get real comfortable being second best....

Bottom of First Recap:

No score. We look great. Tanaka.....What's the Japanese word for Uncomfortable?

Top of Second Recap:

Yankee morale already shattered like a sickened-ash Louisville Slugger-quality-control reject.

Sale mows down two more. That's 4 Ks on 6 guys.

Bottom of Second Recap:

Hanley Ramirez eats Tanaka sliders like McAdams loves Gosling.*

Yankee 2nd baseman *also* wants to know the Japanese word for Uncomfortable

No score. Time to eat a turkey wing.

Top of Third Recap:

Jacoby Ellsbury's up.
Isn't that special?

Jacoby want fastball...
Jacoby fall behind 0-2 on two offspeed pitches.
Jacoby strike out, looking, at 99-mph heater on the outside corner of the outside corner of his knees....

Somebody else slapped one between Third and BoeGAHTS.

Bottom of Third:

A BIG BLAISERBLOG WELCOME to the one observer reading along at home.... Cool Dude!

No score but nice to see The Elf is at the plate **

Top of the Fourth:

So I spend the entire frame helping my aunt look for a misplaced item, re-fill the wine glass, and slide open the screen door to the patio and hear, "well that's three, but Halladay puts the Yankees on the board, at 1-Nothing."

Clearly, I can no longer help my aunt during a Red Sox game.

Bottom of Fourth:

Hanley Ramirez, texting with Tanaka:
Anata wa `fukai'na kao o shite imasu. Bīatchi!

Aaaaaaaaaaand. No score.

Play-by-play man who's not my man Don Orsillo: well..... This rivarly with the Orioles is really heating up....

RemDog** : [ two cricket emojji ]

Top of Fifth

It's sprinkling on me. It's not supposed to rain in San Diego....

(Yankee side retired in shorter amount of time than it takes me to write the top-fifth recap...)

Commercial break:  Hey when we get to the 7th-inning stretch, whoever you three readers are should call me.

No seriously. If you're not a Mumbot (phish visitor from the subcontinent) we'll sing Sweet Caroline on What's App)

Bottom of Fifth

BoGAHTS takes First.
JBJ takes a swing at the wrong goddam pitch...

Remy's using Football similes now. Not good.

Maybe some Bourbon instead of summer wine will move things along...

Top of 6th:

Two Yankee guys apparently did nothing, while I was fixing up the sweet juice, over ice, from Kentucky.

Slide-door opens, I come back to the patio and Mookie Betts basket-catches Out #3 while doing a very servicable impression of an FA-18 Hornet Right Fielder....

Bottom 6:

Don't know much about this Hernandez third-base character.

Pretty sure the last name sounds familiar, though.

Apparently Tanaka is 5-2 career v. Red Sox.

I know this because the imposter NESN play-by-play man who is not Don Orsillo told me.


Is this mother$שk@r on Casman's payroll? Seriously, has ANYONE seen this guy's soul hanging around the coatroom, patiently, while his human calls a Red Sox game as though he never gave two bases about Fenway Pahhhk?


Pretty sure Kevin Millar's van dyke calls a better baseball game than this muppet.

Top 7:


Play-by-play audio silenced on MLB.TV while Bennenenenentendi makes an UNVELIEVABLE play in outfield, nearly catching a difficult laser fly and then gunning down the guy at Second, throwing so hard that Pedroia flew back like Marty McFly and the Professor's wall of guitar amps!


Also, Sale has struck out more guys in 7 innings of play than I have in my career (up to date).

97 pitches in, and we're on track for the shortest Boston-Yankee game since we gave up Ruth for an ownership stake in No, No, Nanette.....

7Th inning stretch---- WHO's CALLING ME?

Bottom 7:

I know, I know, it's intimidating phoning a Blogger as influential and stupidly handsome as I am.

It's ok. I know it's me and not you. Peace heart to my yo.***

Top 8:

Romine, Somebody, Ellsbury  .....

Are these Super Models or baseball players fer Crissake?

Appropos of Everything: Anybody else never hear a Boston annoucer refer to a count as "Nothing and two"?

HEY WAITAMINUTE----Don Orsillo is totally in San Diego AND SO AM I!!!!!!!!!!!

[ calls an Uber.... ]

Bottom 8:

Tanaka's name is uncomfortably close to a Disney horse's from a Disney book from the 50s that was a fantastic hand-me-down to not only me but also my son: "Tonka-Watkan"

Don't tell me this isn't relavent....

I'd be lying if I said that tonight's Red Sox offense was worthy of....... a B-League softball game in my NJ rec league.....

That's all I'm gonna say about that.

Other than we're winning this game. In the Ninth.


Hey I just had to answer the land line for my aunt. Came back to the patio just as we went to commercial.

We're totally up 2-1, right?

Top Nine:

Wow the video guys at NESN should be polishing up those résumés..... It still says 1-0 Yanks.

Chase Headley be oh-for-three.

My teddy bear's got a better eye than him. You shoulda seen him take Tonka-Watkan deep in July of '77.

Headley singles. For the first time in Chase, OR third base. Whatever.

Sooooooo. 2-0 only makes our walkoff win in the bottom of the frame even sweeter. Like that vintage Porsche I saw today ona The Five.****

Shit, Still Top 9?

Hembree in relief and The Forehead takes over as a Pinch Runner at 2nd.

Hembree serves up another run for an 0-3 Yankee lead.

Is it bad that when I hear "Hembree versus Castro" I think of the Bay of Pigs?

I had Hembree's hair once....... Once.

Hey #99, here's a Judgment for your rookie ass: The cost of a birthday Fenway blast? An inning-ending double-play in the 9th on the next damn day.

Have a seat, Junior.

Bottom Ninth/When We Win It!

Tanakakakaka comes out for an attempt at a complete game. Check the Visitor Dugout for Grady Little and find out what the hell he did with Brother Joe Girardi!!!!

Pedroia's pissed. Watch this!

Dustin's pretty much an anti-tanaka bazooka.

Or not.




Final: Boston nothing

Thanks for reading!

* Simile Licensing with NBCUniversal. Contract # EIEIO
** Nickname courtesy of
***If there's a more awkward blogging disappointment-overcompensation, I triple-dog-dare you to show me
****The only places I know in the continental US that does not treat their highways as Unaccompanied Nouns are California and Buffalo, NY. Discuss...