But this year, Reality Bites. Why create hoaxes, when sometimes all we have to do is look around us and disbelieve what we see. Here's a randomly assembled Top 5 of things that are real:
# 5 -- Prince is a Jehovah's Witness.
I don't know when or where he's pulled door-to-door duty, but I really hope one day I walk out on the porch to find him handing out purple, lace-fringed Watchtower pamphlets. I'd tell him I've always loved his music, but that he shouldn't give Wendy and Lisa--or any gay folks--a hard time; why doesn't his God love all members of the Revolution?
#4 -- Dakkochan Dolls
In the summer of 1960, it was all the rage among schoolgirls and young women in Japan to clamp a caricatured black baby to their arms as they went about their everyday activities. Just weird. Apparently the manufacturer finally caved to criticism and created the must-have (blatantly racist) accessory in other colors with less outrageous features. Pretty sure they all winked, though.
#3 -- Dick Van Dyke pops the question to granddaughter-aged make-up artist.
All-around perfect gentleman Bert from "Mary Poppins" must have had more than the luck of a chimney sweep to span the 46 years between him and new wife Arlene Silver, who applied his makeup for the SAG Awards some years back, and then applied for a marriage license in February. But Hey! As long as they're happy.
#2 -- The Mantis Orchid
This insect is so gorgeous and, let's face it, hot, it can climb into a flower and basically pretend to be its sex organ. When an aroused butterfly flutters in, to lap up some of the good stuff, WHAMMO! Naked lunch. No wonder the French call it
la petite mort
And #1! (and I'm still not convinced this isn't an expertly pulled-off hoax)
THE PYGMY HIPPO!
What's cuter than miniature Hippopotamidaes munching on your azaleas? Check out the FAQs at the Smithsonian. My favorite question tops the list:
1. Are pygmy hippos friendly?