Thursday, July 16, 2009

Blaiser's Top Ten Top Ten Lists

Number Ten: Top Ten reasons why the California Raisins had more recording success than the disgruntled second-cousin copycat group, the Idaho Prunes.

Number Nine: Top Ten reasons why people should steer clear of me if any two of the following conditions are in play: When Mercury is in opposition, the moon is full, and the Yankees are playing the Red Sox.

Number Eight: Top Ten reasons why we will still buy Prince CDs even though he did the moral equivalent of MJ bleaching his skin, by converting to Jehovah's Witnessery...
Number Seven: Top Ten reasons why if you and I get into a bar fight using only our cellphones as blunt instruments, I will win, and then still be able to use said phone to call an ambulance for you.

Number Six: Top Ten reasons why three French guys have won one-third of the first 9 stages of the 2009 Tour de France.

Number Five: Top Ten reasons why, despite the superiority of my cellphone, I will never win a bar fight against David Mamet.

Number Four: Top Ten reasons why The Empire Strikes Back was the best of the six.

Number Three: Top Ten reasons why John Ashbery has been writing the same poem all these

years, and it's still a pretty damn good poem.

Number Two: Top ten reasons why, despite many years living in Brooklyn, when I unfold my irony board, I still have a lot of trouble with French cuffs.

And the Number One Top Ten List: two words: Senator Franken!!!

1 comment:

  1. If you start a bar fight with me, I will text you so hard...